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i think that many of us understand where you are at tfm. and im personally glad that you are renewing your contract . also that you want this to keep going , but in different directions is awesome. maybe it is time for a change. i think that there are many of us here that can help out and do TT proud. we can make it better. we can make it stronger. to be a total ass and steal a line.. " ask not what you can do for transformers but what can transformers do for you". as you said they kept you going, hell i know that in the last few years that i have gotten back into them. i have found myself again. between them and my girl i got my life back. well you know that we are still here and always be.

im here to stay as long as there is a place to stay...

wow, thank you. You probubly don't realize how close I feel to you right now. To sum up for those of you who don't already know, just over a year ago, Feb. 28, 2005 I was in a car accident that shattered my pelvis. I was stuck in bed unable to sit up for three months. This site and my wife were the two things that kept my mood up through that. For the most part I recovered. Unfortunately what I didn't realize at the time was those months also made my wife want to be a more independent person. By independent I mean leave me. Then she fell for my best friend. I wanted to kill myself. I tried to kill myself. My wife kicked me out and forced me to move back in with my parents. I'm still trying to hold on to the strands of our relationship, but without her, and now doubting my best friend of twelve years, my other best friend left last month for the army, Again this site has kept me going. I'm glad to hear that it looks like your most of the way through your mess TFM, but I'm still in the middle of mine. I can't thank you enough for renewing the domain. Its a lifeline I can't let go of right now. And dev., really, You know I've been here since day one. I'm up for any responcibility you want to give out.

...

Damn...

I mean just...

What can I say...?

I love you man... I love you all. No place has ever welcomed me as you all have... You all are the strongest and greatest people I have ever met. Sure we argue... Sure we fight... But we also joke and enjoy eachother's company.

TFM... You hit me in a place nobody ever has... Now I've never known all that was in your life and I never asked either. I just left that up to you to say as you wished... But that... Wow man...

I have to admit that this place has become that very thing for me... So for right now I need it still. It's still the crutch I come and hold onto while I'm weak...

And maybe this place is that for others, too... Who knows?

All that **** that happened to you TFM... I think maybe it was that proverbial "hard reboot." Something to give you better perspective and all... Not necessarily change it... But to broaden it.

We al need to grow and life sees to that... It gives us what we need when we need it. Its design is something so unknown... So great... Can't help but always come back to hope.

I've lost my hope... My faith... Even at one point everything in my life. But for whatever reason I always kept going... And I don't want to anymore... But I also don't want to give up. Not just yet... There's still too much out there.

Maybe one day we will all grow away from here... But as TFM said... This place will never die. Not where it counts...

Know that you all are in my heart, my thoughts... Have earned my care... And alot of you have earned my respect and admiration. (Those I don't know too well are still getting there... ^^ )

Don't know what I'd do without the support I feel when I come here... The acceptance and all... Oh yeah I could easily go on without the exact "here"... But not without you guys. Need you all in my life...

And some more than others...

Specifically around Mike (GlauG) and Sam (MetalSamamon).

Mike I have known since before I came here and has been such a great friend to me ever since... It was partly because of him that I even signed up here. And I've never once regreted it... Never regreted anything in my past. Has been a great part in who and what I've become...

Sam and I have been talking for so long and all... He is so very much like a brother to me. Though we have no blood relation, have never met irl... Hell have never even spoken to one another over the phone or nothing... I still love him as though he were my own brother. And I was raised an only child...

My own family doesn't much accept me... If anything they are worse than grade schoolers to one another. You all have replaced that which I have missed out on...

TFM... I've never told this to anyone before, but... You are very much like a father to me. I really do care about you and, though I've never met them and know even less about them than I do you... Your family, too.

Know that you all are loved... By me... By TFM... By us all!

You all are the best... Never let this place die. Never let it go out in your hearts... As we go on and grow... We may move apart. But we will never forget eachother... Never forget here...

I love you all and I always will... This is home to me. Not because of the way it looks or nothing... But because of the people that make it up.

No place is ever "good" without the right kinds of people to make it such... ^^

Lovingly always...
~Rikku Eric Dunbar

P.S.- ...

Just felt I had to share...

I've had my own downs... Hell some of you can still remember when I came on and posted about hoping and wishing I were to be shot.

The fact remains I feel so useless most of the time... I don't feel I have any purpose here.

My best friend of 2 years has grown so distant from me...

I haven't had a relationship in what feels like ages...

And I've never had any accident or nothing to warrant this.

My Mom and Dad split when I was about 10/11... She went and slept around a bit and, due to my room being right beside hers, I could hear all the noises at night. I've been sexually traumatized from such a very young age...

My Dad was an alcohlolic and a wife beater... I always feared him most of both of my parents. My step-Dad was no charm either...

My step-Brothers and I have been at ends since so early on thanks to their Dad giving me alot of their things that were theirs in child hood...

In my life there have been no real good male influences... As such as things went on and I was hurt all the more by males and so forth... I grew a hatred for males and all things "men."

Thanks to the amount of compassion, love and all I can feel I can connect to people on a very unprecedented level... As such I once fell for my best friend that way.

She was raped at a very young age... Just so she could save her friend from being raped.

Don't ask how or nothing, but... Due to the connection her and I once shared... I can honestly say I know what it feels like for a female to be raped.

Yes people in all actuality I was not born female... I've said this long ago around when I first started coming her and all, but... It was subdued due to a falling out between TFM and myself.

I have chosen to become transgendered... Have not yet begun going through the process, but hope to start this year. I decided that 2006 would be my "year of definites"...

I am also attracted to females, making my getting a relationship harder than most anybody else.

I have one friend going through the same thing as me... Her name is Alexia. So I have supposrt from that end, too...

I know for alot of you this is not "kousher"... And some of you are also of a rather young age to be hearing such things. But I just can't hold it in any more...

It is a part of me to talk about me, my life, etc. to those I care about and see as close to me...

I have been in relationships that were straight ones... But that was back when I was trying to discover myself and was still bi.

One relationship the reason she broke up with me was because I am far too much a "woman"... Now that hurt... But I have not changed since.

I have changed, though... Just that I have grown stronger in appearance.

Meanwhile, deep inside... I have been breaking apart... All I tend to feel deep within is pain of the worst possible kind...

I come here because I know I can come here. Not necessarily "spill my guts"... But I can come here and talk to you about anything other than my problems.

This all makes me feel better when I can enguplh myself in a topic about a kitbash... Or even the random meanderings of Gawd, DF and myself. ( )

I come here as a form of escape... Kitbashing is purely an escape for me... I don't know what I'd do without it to help keep me focused.

I don't know what I'd do without this "monster"... (As TFm so kindly put it. )

Well... I have to go now... Take care you all and I'll be back tomorrow. ^^

I'll say it again... I love you all with the deepest care and admiration... My family... ^_^

-Rikku

well i think that anyone that posts here frequntly knows well enough that we all care for each other. that we are a small family of geeks and nerds. but ya know what. its better that way.. so dont feel ashamed ever to talk about whats on your mind... ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to here your life is takeing a step in a new better direction TFmaster. And I'm also glad to hear that the site has at least a small lease on continued life. This is a wonderful place, and I think all of us will do our best to keep it alive.

Man, TFM, you?ve sure had a hard time behind you. Great to hear you?ve found a new hope and that things are starting to look better. I wish you all the strength and luck you need.


As for Transtopia, I?m glad to hear you?re going to renew the contract. It would be a great loss to the kitbashing community should this site fade and die. Because for many, myself included, kitbashing equals trantopia. This *is* the site for kitbashing/repainting in the western world. (e.g. even when recently at Tfans someone made a small-minded sneer to kitbashers in general, they did it by attacking transtopia; transtopia is so synonymous with kitbashing, that some don?t even see a difference anymore.) I?m sure that when you have everything in your life sorted out and going smooth again, you can still look back at this troublesome period of your life with Pride. Because no matter what, you?ve created a forum/site which is highly respected by the kitbashing community. A forum whose members are proud to call themselves transtopians.

Maybe a change in management is needed, though I wouldn?t give up on pepie too soon. His last visit was apparently sometime early last week, and maybe he?s just taking a long weekend or a short holiday. Or maybe he needs to blow off some steam as well.

I?d offer my help in anyway possible, but truth be told, I don?t know the first thing about computers or what is needed to run and maintain a site like this.

Damn, I didn't even know what was going on... But I can still understand, understand what you all have been going through. I consider all of you as friends, a family of geeks as others had said. Well, I don't know what else I can say, since everything has already been said, except for this: Thanks for making this Dutch kid feel at home so much.

Oh, and as for Pepie: Last I heard he was still alright, but he just some real life jobs. I won't tell you what, since that's something he can do for himself when he comes back.

woah, i've gotta say, this is kinda emotional for me and probably all of us.
guys, thanks for letting your heart out, there should be people listening when you need them.
i feel sorry for not knowing anythin about computers and not being able to provide more help.

Well that's sucky Shade. I think most people know a female who's been defiled against their will, but they just don't know it, if you know what I mean.

Damn guys, just about brought a tear to my eye.

Tfm I'm thrilled, simply thrilled to hear your enjoying this new job of yours. May the heavens continue to shine on you and lift you from your sorrows.

Now I don't know if your religious or anything, but I am and you should know that i keep everyone on the board in my prayers and am always saddened when someones had some hardship. But it's always a liftup for me to hear when things have improved for them aswell.

So to everyone god bless whether you want it or not.

i think now more than ever we need to keep this site somehow.

doomtron wrote:i think now more than ever we need to keep this site somehow.

if we'll survive, we'll be more of community than ever. not with so much fight as on other boards.

There has never been a real fight here... There was almost one at one point which I was the root of, but it just got left be, forgotten (as best all could) and let to "fade away"...

"Live and let die."
Meaning: Live through your life, learn all you possibley can from the past and present... And let the rest die out and fade away... But never forget what has and who all have brought you to where and who you are and never regret anything. Because, without it... You wouldn't be who and what you are. Everything always turns out for the best in the end... ^^

Lord_Loqi wrote:Damn guys, just about brought a tear to my eye.

Tfm I'm thrilled, simply thrilled to hear your enjoying this new job of yours. May the heavens continue to shine on you and lift you from your sorrows.

Now I don't know if your religious or anything, but I am and you should know that i keep everyone on the board in my prayers and am always saddened when someones had some hardship. But it's always a liftup for me to hear when things have improved for them aswell.

So to everyone god bless whether you want it or not.

My background?

I'm Ignostic....I use to use the term Aithist but I found although I do not beleive in titles like "God" or "Budda" or whatever I do beleive that there is something...something powerful out there...guiding me and showing me "Flashes" to let me know I'm on the right track.

I grew up in a horrible background.

I first started my life in Detroit Michigan when I was born and my Dad was a biker in the Detriot Drifters. Now if you know anything about bikers "Freedom" is a term they hold close. Freedom from all things and sadly in my case that also meant family. Sireing offspring with Multipal women, wich my dad did was pretty common back in the 70's. So most of my young life was spent maybe seeing my father once every great while and sometimes for summer vacations.

In the meantime my mother went on with her life as well. Around the age of 4-5 we moved to Inkster Michigan and soon a Abusive drunken Stepfather was bore into the picture.

I remember lots of nights where my mom and he would fight, he'd storm out and for fear of what he would do, take us to her bed with her just so she knew we were safe. In some ways I think it also comforted her to know "someone" was there for her.

Down the line my mother collected a series of friends. Some were lost from passages of time and others took adavantage of my family.

My sisters were both exsposed to sex at an early age. Stacy bein the oldest of us 3 was already at that age where Teens questioned sexuality and being in a pore background took adavantage that she had weeker brother/sister figures. My sister Shelly who is a couple years younger was already exsposed to the "Bad" friends of my mother's and step father's and one of them actually sexually mollested her. She was raped for a couple years before she was stronger and in the meantime my older sister Stacy did so to my sister Shelly as well.

When she feared Shelly telling she then stoped with her and set her sights on me. Her 7 year old little brother. One night she even threated to kill me if I ever told anyone...

Bouncing back and forth between my dad and my mother as well as the other **** in between was hard for me to go through and just simplified things for me...I was a tool. People used me. My Mom against my dad saying "He never wanted you" my mother against my Step Father thinking, "If you loved me then why do you put this man before us?" He and my mother did not seperate untill well after I was past 18. He stayed a abusive Alchoholic. It started with him drinking up my mothers rent/mortage payments and she lost her house to ending up in a Trailer in Westland with nothing to call your own other then a litle amount of space. He still drank up her rent....died 5 years ago. 2 after my son was born.

I have gone through life with numerouse friends stealing from me and using me for their means and when I refused to be used anymore they were gone.

I could fill you in another big gap but that story of my life, my teenage years, is another tale in it's self.

In the end we are no different from each other. We all feel pain, have fears of rejection or false love and sometimes, yes, would rather die then have to relive one more Memeorie of the bad ones just so we can sift through to the few good ones.

Would I change a thing?

No. Not one damn thing...

I know what it feels like in so many matters. I uderstand the pain of man and the hate of youth when we see what our world is really like when it's presented to us. It made me the man I am. Yes, I can hate the man, but I cannot hate what made me. It also makes me NOT want to see that happen to anyone else. It helps me know what to say or advise when someone is looking for help when everyone just walks by. Sometimes we all need a hand...

...if even it being verbal only. As long as it's meant.

"You are Strenght"

It took me years to build the thinkness of this hide just to protect what is left of the pure that is in my heart...And it's defence is hate and fear...


TFM

First of all let me say thanks to TFmaster and everyone here for their support thus far. I will do what I can with Transtopia. It's pretty amazing to come here and find so many different types of people interacting with each other and being pretty open about their differences. Transtopia has really grown from a lack-luster pre-defined template website with a few kitbash pictures to a community of customizers sharing ideas.

I must address the issue of removing Pepie however. This site could never have gotten to this point without him. He understands website codes and everything that goes on behind the scenes better than anyone I've ever met online. I think removing him at this time would be a mistake. He's the brains of the operation, a Hook if you will. Perhaps all he needs is a Scrapper, someone that may not be as technical but has a lot of imagination.

Rawhide wrote:Maybe a change in management is needed, though I wouldn?t give up on pepie too soon. His last visit was apparently sometime early last week, and maybe he?s just taking a long weekend or a short holiday. Or maybe he needs to blow off some steam as well.

the last post i could find was
http://www.tfmaster.com/forum/viewtopic ... ght=#47908
i think it would be a bad idea removing pepie too, also is Iskander still arround

See, this is also part of the problem I had with people when working on this site...most of what I ask is ignored and I'm sick of it.

I'm not saying that he's gone and that's it.

I want it temporarily deactivated untill further notice. We have no idea how long this stint is going to take...

Untill then I want it cut off.

Period.

Other then that I don't feel that I need to exsplain myself. I'm sick of having to exsplain everything that I want to do!
I own the damn site!

TFM

i think ive already upset people just playing around in the forum. so im going to speak my mind. these guys who run this board dont get paid and dont need any crap for it. im not saying everybody is. but our gracious hosts which i dont know all the people but they actually have to work to keep this going but they do. i appreciate the hell out of it! my wife hates me and has already run off all of my friends. all im trying to say is that you guys are appreciated and these boards mean alot to me and the people who post here. just my two cents

TFmaster wrote:See, this is also part of the problem I had with people when working on this site...most of what I ask is ignored and I'm sick of it.

I'm not saying that he's gone and that's it.

I want it temporarily deactivated untill further notice. We have no idea how long this stint is going to take...

Untill then I want it cut off.

Period.

Other then that I don't feel that I need to exsplain myself. I'm sick of having to exsplain everything that I want to do!
I own the damn site!

TFM

I don't understand? (am I meant to?)

Devastator wrote:First of all let me say thanks to TFmaster and everyone here for their support thus far. I will do what I can with Transtopia. It's pretty amazing to come here and find so many different types of people interacting with each other and being pretty open about their differences. Transtopia has really grown from a lack-luster pre-defined template website with a few kitbash pictures to a community of customizers sharing ideas.

I must address the issue of removing Pepie however. This site could never have gotten to this point without him. He understands website codes and everything that goes on behind the scenes better than anyone I've ever met online. I think removing him at this time would be a mistake. He's the brains of the operation, a Hook if you will. Perhaps all he needs is a Scrapper, someone that may not be as technical but has a lot of imagination.

i can be the guy with the imagaination. i don't know poop about websites and all this technalities, but if you need more people working on this site in any way, i'm there. pepie was going to make a mod out of me anyways, and i'll be more than happy to conribute.

I normally don't venture into this area, but something led me in here. I had no idea about any of this until today.

I'll just cut to it and say that, I'm glad TFM has decided to keep the site going. When I read about it being shut down I was ready to say I would buy it and take it over, but as I read further I noticed I don't have to.

That being said, I would still like to offer my services for board staff and help out in any way I can to keep the site going and growing.

The site's phpBB software might need to be updated. The admin for another board I'm on screens and approves all the registering accts which seems to have weeded out all of the bots.

All right All! I got a responce back from Pepie.

I'll let you guys read for yourself

Hey buddy !

I don?t crawl the web anymore like I did, pretty good things have happened down here.



Told you about the problems with my company right? Fusing and losses.. bah.

I got a new job, which takes me across the whole country so I leave early.. and come back late.

That pretty much sucks, but it has a good future for me, and Im earning some more than I used to get too.

Aside from that I got a new GF which im happy to spend time with, aaaand two friends of mine are setting up a new business which Im helping out in the late evenings.



So that?s pretty much why Im not so much around anymore, often I take some time to browse around etc but that?s pretty much it.

I don?t know how I can still contribute to Transtopia nowadays, sadly.

That?s a big downside from all good happening lately.. not keeping in touch with friends and the community itself..



It?s not like I aren?t interested in Transtopia anymore, heck.. it?s an awesome site plus backbone but I cant set myself to it simply because there are more things around these days.



Pepie

We all at TT wish him well and understand why things need to be as they are now.

Untill then let's just look forward to some changes.

TFM

Hey TFMaster,

I just got around to reading everything that was going on with the website and everyone's life. I completely understand what you are all going through in terms of everyday life. I've been divorced once and married again (To a wonderfull woman who is kind enough to support my TF habit) so I know how crazy everyday real life can be. I guess what I'm wondering is just exactly what you are looking for in new staff members? What are the responsibilities of each position? I would love to help. I may not have any experience with creating websites or maintaining webservers, and it's not something I can do full-time or anything, but I could devote a small amount of time each day and perhaps a few small hands make light work in other area's? Let me know. I can't promise anything, but I do want to help if I can.