Okay, Demiurgic is down, so here's what I've got so far. Turns out, Chapters one and two are the opening crawl, and the Logos for FOX and LucasFilm.
Twentieth Century Fux
Burning Omega Productions
SPACE FIGHTS
*Words begin flying off screen. *
Episode IV
A New Shame
Okay, I heard from this guy, that some bad stuff is happening in the Internet. The Repulsive Alliance is, like, killing stuff. For good, I mean! It was the Tubie Empire, you know?
When they did they, they, like, managed to steal the plans for something called the “Tubie Star,” which is, like, bad. It can blow stuff up real good.
Princess Halo is, like, being chased by the Tubie Empire’s, like, EVILNESS. ‘Cause she, like has the plans. They can make things all happy and nice, you know?
*The words continue flying. *
Director: Uh…where are they going?
Director’s Assistant: Good question.
*The words land on a planet, crushing a building that was about to find a cure for the disease ravaging their planet. *
Director: Yikes. Uhhh….wasn’t us! Hey, what’s over there?
*Over planet Shittimus IV, two ships, one significantly outclassing the other, trade blasts of laser. *
Director: Hm…we can do better than that.
*They trade blasts of pudding. On the lesser ship, two robots walk around aimlessly. One is a gold robot dressed as a stereotypical heavy metal fan. The other, a much shorter robot, is dressed as a clown. The ship rocks violently. *
Venomous Prime: Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus God! We’re gonna die! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!
Awkward: Bleep bleep boop.
Venomous Prime: Do you have to talk like that?
Awkward: Fine, I will speak your inferior human language.
Venomous Prime: The Princess isn’t going to survive.
*The Larger ship takes the smaller one into it’s belly. *
Bigger Ship: GET IN MAH BELL-AY!
Director: The ship was only saying that metaphorically, of course.
*Inside the smaller ship, Repulse soldier guard a door. *
Sigma Prime: Ooh, we’re gonna get ‘em!
Shadowman: We’re the only ones?
Card board cutouts #1-10: …
Shadowman: Oh, I feel much better now.
*After a long rumbling, the door bursts open, and orange robots come in, shooting their lasers and whatnot. *
Roddy2145: We got ‘em now!
Roddy2146: We sure do!
*After the four soldiers trade shots, the two Repulsive Soldiers scramble. *
Roddy2145: Gahhaha!
*More cardboard cutouts arrive, and have a vicious fight with the Roddies…somehow… Venomous Prime and Awkward manage to step through the crossfire unharmed. Back at the main door, a large skeletal figure in a purple cloak walks in. His breathing is actually giggles. He examines the bodies. Content, he walks off, followed by two Roddies. *
Roddy2160: Man, he’s kind of anorexic.
Roddy2161: I was just thinking that!
Not much, but Chapter 4 starts with Leia giving R2 the plans.
