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The idea for this short satire came less than a week after Thanksgiving and it's original name was "Tinfoil Turkeys" but changed it, however, when I began running over Sharpramp who its intended to be a my fictional character. If there's another Sharpramp in another Transformers continuity, pardon TFG1 1st an 2nd season fanatic me. All rights of the Transformer Autobots aren't mine, yada, yada, yada.


Part 1

A day two weeks following the second Thanksgiving the Autobots spent on Earth, Skids and Bumblebee were scrambling over a series of ridges and minor ditches in frenzied pursuit of Buzzsaw and Lazer Beak.

Skids reported his status at regular intervals. "Getting LOW on POWER!"

"We also don't have SUPERION or OMEGA nearby so it's up to us two shooting down those two. Wanna risk the possibility subliminal bandwith Soundwave's been Megatron commissioned doing something to us or humans?"

"Well, course I don't. " It was for that cause the Skids decided accompanying the little Autobot. When the Decepticon infilitration creatures had reached a Earth minute in their flying too low and too irratically close by their base the twosome embarked on their pursuit, Bumblebee being the most over-eager. The intruders' antics could spell anything from needing power or an attempt at diverting their ranks.

"Well don't play you don't know and drop the Gears squawk!"

"WHATJA SAY??? URRRRGGGGHHHH!" In his rage, Skids brought the Decepticon dodos in one shot his weapon connecting with the circuitry handling their flying capability.

"They were there and now are here!" Springing to the air with an energy dampening net, Bumblebee averted the spies splatter upon the rock formation. "The guys will be pleased!" And among them newcomer Sharpsramp; good as he was in a fight, a hammer meeting and nail had better capability conprehending nonconcrete matters. And when discussions entailed dreaming up schemes, his appearing unfailingly threw a monkeywrench in the assemblies of same plans. Bumblebee groaned.

"Bumblebee...."

"Huh?"

"Birdies bonded grounded, we go now!"

"Recall what the to do is following snag, O Son of Grimlock." But over that for now something making me sick's closer on horizon.

"Gonna engine gun up Huffer whining if you attach my name--"

"Grrimlock's programmed that way," both us know some one with no clear excuse for way that someone is. And more than likely the base'll have to endure yet another episode of Sharpramp conferring upon all us a headache.


Part 2

"Wow you got them!" Bluestreak and Cliffjumper happily greeted at the arrivals at that final turn of their base's entrance.

"Team effort, team effort" Skids administered the knuckle rub his distracted companion as human friends or siblings would confer upon another. "Sweetest looking shot in months--I, Bumblebee--"

"Serve off, Skids, BB's brain's conked out along with your catch I'd say." Prowl and Jazz's seriousness put a temporary damper on those already there but it didn't last long on their peering upon the deactivated closer than any one had heretofore. Jazz: Heh, Heh, wait till Wheeljack and Perceptor sees this--Cylindrical Sweet!

Prowl: Fourth test, positive success rate remains unchanged.

"Who sides sees Ironhide crying it be added to his blast arsenal once it passes--All right, Prowl, if it passes all tests?" Bluestreak rubbed his hands together. "And next in line will be mee!"

"Yeah c'mon lets hurry back!" Cliffjumper was both basking in the sunshine above and his mentally electing being himself third in that equipping line for the new weapon--Based upon arrogant Starscream's Null Ray but for, now at least, a more powerful thing as its effect lasted longer.

"Yeah, yeah." The six broke into a run hearing for now distant Ratchet's querying what was going on. His anxiouness tone indicated his mistakening the tail end of their talking for someone being injured. On five passing him: "Human or--"

"Nobody but Decepticons' resident tinfoil turkeys." Bluestreak stopped long enough to rush an explanation upon which the utobot doctor joined the merrimakers. "Let's break out invisible energon bubbly!"

"Got one better--Hey, Screen, When's Prime comin' back?" Their boss along with a handful of their number were in the process of returning. Just wait till they learn of this triumph surmounting a another testing milestone in this weapon's approval process--and more than that the pair captured.

"ETA twenty seven minutes--And no, didn't tell any of them."

All remaining was divuling the Decepticon's plotting something: "Let's devour what these biomecha birdies left us." Jazz erased that hitch transforming and playing their records and everyone in their installation gathering around.

"Nothing!" Cliffjumper took upon himself exploding the disappointment all but two newly arrived.

"I knew it." Huffer was one of exceptions but as he perpetually spoke naysayer he didn't count. And newcomer two, "Ratchet remember micro-mini debris bringing about malfunction to my arm?!" Gears could care less about conked out inflitrators and lack of adversaries' scheming tibit. "Ratchet...day for dusting in my vocal matrix."

"Not enough dust putting your mouth on shutdown."

"Whatja say, Skids???"

"Just feh, right Bumblebee?" He left off prepping support from his 'con capturer cohort seeing as did everyone--but stamping off annoyed Gears. The topics of the moment retaining their intellect would be shot down quicker than their prisoners. Theie commotion had summoned among the most sadly stupid of their ranks.

"Oooh at last the nasty pigeons basted in petrol, yum. Now where's the alabaster and microchip stuffing?"


Part 3

Bumblebee put his head in his hand began shaking it. The magnificently stupid and enthralled with dream of Autobot eating some equivalent of human food had arrived. This was no wiping pun laced insults as both warring Cybertron factions were so fond ub doing--Sharpramp really believed alabaster and microchip stuffin existed--plus the Decepticons had made the apetizer to poison their enemies. After all, head honcho Megatron had lobbed a diamond sudded orb at Mirage week before last saying to eat "this alabaster and microchip stuffing!"

Oh-my-glitch. Skids likewise assumed Bumblebee's pose.

In his anticipating some good news over some victory now turned astonishment from another not so sharp Sharpramp's statement, Smokescreen had left the communication tie-in with his returning leader on.

Tried of broken ceramic scatter for brains, Wheeljack was less passive, shouting as he pointed at the annoying one. "For last time, there's no any flavor alabaster stuffing!"

"Course you won't admit it, Wheeljack," He walked in a circle solemnly shaking his head. "Don't want Megatron coming here stealing it." Uh oh, collective awaiting with baited breath from the onlookers. Toooo late, their ocher shaded associate had taken note of, was closing in on the unconcious captives. "Why haven't I been included?"

As the boss would say: "Good Grief." "In what, Carlos?" Brawn snapped, he was one of the handful exceptions unable to tolerate the annoyingly literally minded and airheaded companion in their midst past the first sentence.

"You've all been outfitted with matter to energy converters like the Insecticons. It's why we aren't running about conducting raids as we are "

Part 4

Due to dirt from a lane undergoing construction, the neighboring lane upon which the Autobot convoy's rode was annoying enough. "Listens to Megatron more than me." The semi leading the line groaned.

"What, Chief?"

"Nothing Ironhide. First exit reached, we accellerate."


Part 5

"No, we haven't! 'Side's if we had that type converters energy wouln't spell--us--" Oh, never mind, mental processors skewing.

"Course you won't admit it, Brawn, don't want Megatron sneaking in here sabotaging--"

"Maybe we should sneak you into Decepticon base sabotaging their works having to listen to you for half minute!"

"Brawn, will you PLEEEEZZZEEE cut it out???"

Only thing left somehow affirming his falling head first when rolled off assembly line. "Jazz, please, if I may recommend: Don't try mind-melding with situation at hand please. All Autobots here."

"Yes, keep going, Prowl, reasoning's cleaning up my logic circuits." He backed up his encouragement in smiles and enthusiastic head bobs.

"No one'll undergo physical damage by Megatron-Starscream-esque interaction. Mental blows whole other area of cours . Let's as a unit back away slowly, on you side focus immersing yourself in ipod download in near future."

Jazz liked Prowl's ideas. "While you dwell on imagining doing a Spock's brain transplant on our resident needful, huh Prowl?"

"Leaning more towards neck pitch but of course it goes against Autobot...." Returning to the chess board, he was following his own advice of putting mind and body elsewhere.

"Guess you think tongues were installed in us as well huh?"

"All of you before the rest of us came along yes, Brawn."

Why does Brawn persists encouragining him?[/'i] "Whoa, whoa, an astro sec Sharp, listen please."

"Yes, Skids."

"We two, you and I, arrived in same time incriment, yes?"

"Yes, Skids."

"Well, I didn't get a tongue either."

[i]Now, we've got him! Cliffjumper clasped his hands in hope. For a full two minutes, save for a earth cricket living in the walls which occassion sounded off, silence gripped the base and the unwitting eavesdroppers on the way back:

"Ratchet maybe was starting to but got interrupted by dirty Decepticon invasiont." Choked chortles, gasps of astonishment were cloaked by Cliffjumper and Brawn stamping off in separate directions sannouncing they had better things to do.

"Your wrong, Sharp!"

Part 6

Skywarp usually wrong, Sharpramp--No, I'm seeing a linkage. Find it displeasing my seeing it, but see a connection.

The factor holding off the six others' mirth over the goings on at the base was the strip of mountain road they currently travelled. Its width was just four meters past the seventh of their number, the semi, leading them, and of deeper concern, the paltry "guard rail" along the otherside installed for warding off falling 4 kilometers or more depending upon where one fell.

"Got three more kilometers to go before first exit ramp, Prime. Mark."

"Thank you, Hound."

"I join in thanking you, Hound. Not stepping over your leadership in my requesting this, Optimus, but Hound, could you please apprise us when you see the next rest stop that we may take a pause for hah hahs over this new application of feather duster for brain's saga?"

"Returning to base, Tracks--And no, Sideswipe, not considering extracting a memory circuit from a certain place in my chest as transplant donation or Christmas gift." No short route to beltway exit poor Sharpramp needs help.

Part 7

"Okay, I'm wrong neither a tongue nor organic matter to energy converter's ever been invented for us--But now it's clear why Bumblebee and, you, Skids went after these two." He gestured to the Decepticon's creepy crows. Or were they buzzards; didn't matter, they were caught.

"And that was?" Was there light at the end of Sharpramp's pinpoint sized mental tunnel exit or perhaps one would collide with a deadend marked "space for rent"?

"C'mon, Skids, for hanging these things draining their energon for fuel for our chamber sessions!"

"HUH?" The lights on the sides of Weeljack's head performed a lightshow
Jazz would appreciate had he saw.

"Have all you forgot Thanksgiving's two weeks away? We're like the pilgrims after all, went to Earth to avoid the Decepticons as our belief systems differentiate from theirs."

"Two weeks after, Sharp, two weeks after." Why does he keep trying contributing to deliberations requiring practicality above size of button on human's shirt? "Uh....yeah and no. Uhhhh--Sharp?" Bumblebee shouldered himself past Skids.

"Yes, Bumblebee?"

"Portion Earth History lesson--Pilgrims didn't plan returning back where they came from. We in contrast would have returned home but for Decepticon hoardes invading our ship."

"Really, Bumblebee??? Oh wait, just remember hearing that you guys left with Prime politing the ship, did he--"

"Yes and why does it mechano-meter matter to you?"

"Lots, Gears. What was his title back in those days--"

When and where on Cybertron was this guy built? Windcharger was no longer able to stand listening and looking askance. "Just tell us what you think his title was?"

"D-Duke?"

Windcharger gawked. Gag me with a cobra!

Part 8

"No he was addressed Lord Motor Rotor Rooster Cogburn!"

"Easy, Ironhide."

"Well I say he does it for laughs diverting our personality paths from the grim times. Shows once again not taking time learning from me how to kick Decepticons at their afterburners yes still retain good gleam on ones' outer hull."

"Good thought, bro, except for one thing--Sharp does it regardless the times."

"Yeah kinda like any and all times I switch off my audio intake when certain Autobot in guise of yellow Lambroghni initiates gunning up regarding his good looks getting ruined there, retaining his good looks here."

"And if we don't keep our mind on the road some Autobots' looks and/or brains could sustain considerable damage, affirmative?" Contrite variations of "Yes, Prime" rose behind and there was silence for a minute then Sunstreaker tried sending his companions' brains along what he considered pleasant paths. "Propose we vote who's the best looking presently among us."

"Again the boring contest."

"And--predictable. He--always--wins." Ironhide aped yawning between each word.

"And let's not forget the most frequent; last time proposed was Tracks day before yesterday 'member, Ironhide!"

"He's trying not to as I always win. No manner--"

"May I submit for balloting who's whose temper is accellerating quickest?"

Contrite variations of "Yes, Prime" rose behind and after that all were silent.

Part 9

"Duke?" Gears took to circling the oblivious. "Hey, Sharp, how does your polymer for a mind operate?"

"Oh enough tangents!" Jazz returned to the group. "Probe these tinfoil turkeys for internal text info of Decepticon's plot, that's that."

"Yeah and Prime will decide if our findings are worth acting on."

"We'll find nothin', I tell you Skids!"

"Except what, Sharp, recipes for silicon, sodium stuffing?"

"Oh gimme, must show you my tang-gents!" Snatching up the bag holding unconcious spies in a husk the dumb and frustrated stalked off to Wheeljack's lab.


He's too determined and his determine for us around him perpetually spells our disaster. "Wait Sharp, whoa, whoa!" Behind Skids and Smokescree Bumblebee took to following the lab proprietor's heels.

"Promise to manufacture you a tongue and cubes tasting kfc chicken, Sharp, as long as you don't touch anything!"

"Nuhuh, Wheelie, gonna give you--all you proof that behind these goblers' hulls is electronic meat."

"WHEELIE! GGGGRRRRRR!" Wheeljack's side headlights rose to a level had he been out in the open a human a mile away from the first layer of Earth's atmosphere could take notice of it.

"Uhoh, sit him down!"; "Cool out your radiator, buddy."

"I'll do a way cooling out better--Kill two sectionals for problems with one shot rocket launcher!"

"No you'll permanently damage him--Let me!" With his usual strength of a cotton ball Perceptor's wrench point blank hit to the back of Sharpramp's head made miniscule effect. The real source for his falling prone another Autobot's yellow energy lamppost shot point blank to the head.

"Oh gas-guzzler goody!" Gears and Huffer--and the lamppost hurler were the only ones unrestrainedly laughing and capering out of the eye path of the witness. Everyone else gasped they stood as the gleeful pair offside, paying no attention to the door the object sailed but now they were sure who the malefactor was. So accurate it couldn't be but all the same could it be none else?

And "Uh...oh...." The witnesses stepped back as a combiner team, their root mode commander bursting through the doorway. Prime took one look at sprawled Sharpramp then lamppost at the corner then at his needlessly apologetic soldiers: "We didn't do it, we didn't!"

"Don't beat me!" Huffer fell at his feet. "I didn't do it, I didn't do it!"

"I did do it--the wrench toss and I'm sorry!" Perceptor was on his knees. "He crushed my self-control as a truckload of humans' crumpets!"


Part 10

Good galaxy wide grief. What? "Apology accepted although I'm surprised at you, Perceptor. I know you didn't do it, Huffer, not your style; get up."

"Urrrr...Need chicken nanite gizzards...maybe help....some...tell me...." The upwards arm reaching Sharpramp got his help, from Windcharger and Ratchet, standing on his feet.

"You did it, didn't you, Wheeljack, by some sort remote control?" Whispering Bumblebee regarded his neighbor's profile.

"Kidding aren't you? All I wanted to do was seize him by the shoulders until some part of him of low importance in his overall operations disconnected and rattled." Besides being annoyed with the joke to level of couldn't think straight he had been standing sideways when the projectile raced forth made it's impact.

Part 11

Sounds from the holding area containing Buzzsaw and Laser Beak. They had been awake but still unable to move listening to their enemies' verbal exchanges for some time.

Translation Laser Beak: "How explain operation's negative termination to Soundwave?"

Translation Buzzsaw: "Mimmick as stupid Huffer did; fall on our beaks and raven caw for mercy lest Megatron really instructs him cook us."


Part 12

"....Okay, Prime, just want to intake something other than recharge chamber chow."

And so it begins again. Wanna be same amount miles away now as Brawn. "Well I'm not responsible so can go do something else!" This from another who had not seen the assault upon Sharpramp, Cliffjumper to Hound, the later having just arrived and seeing sprawled Sharpramp, was clueless as to what happened but nonetheless put out a hand obstructing Cliffjumper's path. "Not yet, Jumpy, someone got hurt and whoever did it hope fess up fast; he'll have us hunting the one down for hours."

"Don't call me Jumpy, Hound!"

"Well please don't say he'll unleash for the hounds of war for hunting down the guilty."

"Would I say that? No, never ever in a day Hound." He swung on his other neighbor indignantly

"Wish you would say "never ever in a day" when told don't do something rash."

"Well I'd say scheduled rest today's scheduled chores doomed." Huffer whined at the pair from accross the room.

Part 13

"Do I have to roll out base-wide roll call?" The soldiers busied themselves searching using either thei their respective talent and zeal for the simpler methods--both sides wishing to stay from their annoyed leader. Sunrise to present time, the day had not been kind for Prime. Decepticon plot only culprit I hope to learn. "...Who did it and you don't have to raise your hands before you speak."

"And Prime is on warpath." Ratchet nodded to his leader.

"Prime powweee is not!"

"Talk again, old Batman TV show sound effect?" Behind newly arrived indignant Warpath lumbered Grimlock who was having a wonderful time picking on the Autobot.

"Leave me--zip--alone!"

"...Whoever present here did it better say to themselves "What have I done?", and confess immediately."

That's it! "Prime, Brawn's left before Sharpramp was hit; he perhaps either knows who used lamppost or was the one who did."

And he used my lamppost; had left it out but still.... "And he's still not here, thank you, Prowl," hopefully it was accidental. Well, whatever the connection, "Find him and bring him back." Going to take him aside for a talk.

"He may've run out for stuffing." Sharpramp hypothesized amidst the other's commotion in obeying their boss' order .

"What?"

Part 14


"Have all you forgot Thanksgiving's two weeks away? We're like the pilgrims after all, went to Earth to avoid the Decepticons as our belief systems differentiate from theirs."

Must ask Ratchet to check Sharpramp's internal chronometer. "What?"

"Yep, it's all about Thanksgiving and you may sit head of table, Duke?"

"Uh, no, not Duke." What have I done? Should've included myself in the search party.

"....Must be sad not to have a tongue--

Must be sad not to.... "Ahem."

"Yes, Duke?"

"Ahhhh, Sharpramp--Like neon darkened nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Stay there, just..." I'm really begining to think, Decepticons tampered with Sharpramp somehow. "I'm leaving just a moment." Out the room and Sharpramp's earshot: "Ratchet, Wheeljack, Perceptor, after ruling aditional Decepticon guests, front and center."

Epilogue

Translation Laserbeak: Must act upon escape plan. Thanksgiving includes birds alongside cranberries.

Translation Buzzsaw: They just said don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

Translation Laserbeak: Trick to lull us.

Translation Buzzsaw: You have listened too intently to rusted shank for brains. Shut up.


Finis